Relationship Health: Here Are 2 Great Ways to Measure It7 min read
As a couple, one of the most sensitive issues the pair has to deal with is monetary discussions. Once in a relationship, it’s common for the parties involved to determine various scales on which they weigh out the positives and negatives of the relationship, thus getting a result for how healthy the relationship is based on ratios.
These scales attempt to capture the nuances of the various ways in which committed people can make it work, or can’t. So when you’re using these tests to get an idea about how satisfying the relationship is, you can get two results.
Happy or unhappy; satisfying or underwhelming. Keeping all that in mind, what’s the parameter with which you will judge if the relationship is fulfilling or not? The best answer varies from one relationship to another, but the worst answer is the same for all – money.
Establishing a Standard for a Healthy Relationship
Okay, if not money, what else? Another question – why not money? Yours and your partner’s financial goals need to align for the pair to be considered sensible and likely to make it last. Here’s why not money – people are sensitive about how much they earn, and if there’s a feeling that you need to earn a certain amount to keep your partner happy, the relationship can deteriorate real fast. Money is important, of course, but it’s not as important as understanding, compromising, and respect.
Relationship skills, tactics, techniques to keep it stable? Sure, they’re all in their place. However, meaning relationships – the kind where both parties grow something deep for one another, and can just appreciate that person for existing and staying by their side rather than carrying on the relationship because they feel like they need to.
You will never truly achieve a sense of peace in any relationship unless you’ve learned to accept yourself, the entirety of it – this powerful and strikingly true statement is brought to you by Healthy Me, Healthy Us: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as You Are. The book says one of the simplest things in the world, one that you’ve probably been hearing forever – you must be a healthier person mentally, emotionally, and psychologically if you want to build a healthy relationship. The thought-provoking ideas, simple analogies will make you realize what might have been hiding from you in plain sight without making you feel criticized.
In a sense, this book promotes that the wisest way to measure your relationship is – how healthy you two are as individuals and how it reflects on the relationship.
On that note, Invisible: How Young Women with Serious Health Issues Navigate Work, Relationships, and the Pressure to Seem Just Fine deals with a burning issue of these times – how young women are the most vulnerable to mental health issues but they’re also the ones who’re mostly neglected.
Maybe this does not have a connection with your relationship and its health on the first listen of the book title, but we assure you, the roots of this book are deep enough to give an insight of how people can seem fine even when they’re fighting off multiple issues in their lives that’s causing them stress and frustration.
Young women are often the victims of bias in their professional and personal lives. There’s this hoax of a standard that forces them to fit inside a specific mold to appear “perfect”. Think about your relationship in the same light. Do and your partner expect such things from each other to consider your relationship to be a healthy one without considering how much a mental toll it is on the other person?
This book is a freeing experience, had we needed to sum it up. The stories of many women who go through tons of health issues, navigate through life effortlessly, and somehow manage to put a smile on their face, somehow resonates to the people around you. You and your partner will be able to perceive how your mental health affects the relationship, and why that it a parameter you should focus on while measuring satisfaction.
Prioritize Mental Health over Materialism and Money
Now, to the highlight part of the discussion – elaborating on how money is the worst pair of lens to view your relationship through, and why true fulfillment from a relationship comes from being mentally sound.
For money and love to exist in a harmonious balance in a relationship, the couple needs to be careful where they tread. One of them might be more calculative about the money, one who’s frugal and has a very specific idea about where they will invest the money. The other; not so much. They might be the free-spirited one, the one who doesn’t want to be tied down simply due to money.
Under these circumstances, the best solution is to have a series of discussions until you come at a point where you’re both satisfied with how you plan on using your money. Just because their ideas don’t match yours, don’t assume you’re not compatible; or your relationship is at a standstill.
Rather, value how much you can bring to the table from a mental point of view. Are both of you sensible, rational, and empathetic adults who can learn to respect each other’s decisions?
If yes, then the relationship is 100% worth it, and is as healthy as ever. To do so, both of you need to be content with yourselves, come clean about what’s bothering you so you don’t have pent up negative emotions.
Invisible by Michele Lent Hirsch is a sad reminder of how many people have mastered the art of hiding their feelings while they let those emotions hollow them from the inside. This book is such a sweet piece on why you or your partner should never pretend to be fine.
All couples face challenges; and they will only conquer them when they’ve found a way to process their feelings as well as a healthy outflow for their emotions. Healthy Me, Healthy Us by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott complement the first book perfectly by bringing out how your mental peace is connected to the well-being of the relationship.
Like the book says, the romance will only be as strong as you and your partner. If you two aren’t fulfilling individuals separately, then it’s more likely that you won’t be able to maintain a healthy relationship.
Relationships have its shares of ups and downs, highs and lows. All of these are merely temporary. What will last is the bond you create with your partner. However, before you can proceed to form an intimate bond with another human being, you must be whole on your own.
Bringing money into romantic equations is tricky, but it’s necessary. Glorifying money to that stage where it becomes the sole factor deciding whether or not your relationship is a success is a whole different level – one that no couple should go through. If you truly wish to build a meaningful and serious relationship with your partner, working on yourself, nurturing yourself, and accepting yourself is the one of best things you can do for that relationship and your loved one.