How to Play Hard to Get6 min read
A good relationship takes work, even before it begins. Often you might find yourself in a push and pull situation with a love interest and end up making the mistake of seeming over-eager (or not at all). Finding that right balance is an art and it will determine the fate of your relationship. So it is essential to know how to play hard to get and win it fair and square.
Mind you, I’m not saying that you will land yourself a Jay Gatsby who will buy a palace for you and throw grand parties hoping you will one day drop by – that is unrealistic, but if you play your cards right, you might meet someone who will put in the effort you deserve!
- Chess Not Checkers: Elevate Your Leadership Game by Mark Miller
- Hard to Get: Twenty-Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom by Leslie C. Bell
Does Playing Hard to Get Work?
Wanting things that are difficult to get is basic human psychology, and it applies to everything – from politics and sales to relationships. In the dating pool, playing hard to get has proven to make a person seem more desirable. However, it can be a sensitive ground since you are trying to walk on the fine line between hard-to-impress and uninterested. You have to trade carefully. To play hard to get, first, you will actually have to BE hard to get. And that would require you to know what you want and adhere to it. There is nothing more attractive than a person with self-esteem.
Don’t Just Play it, Be it: Own the Game!
So you meet someone interesting and you feel a spark. Perhaps, you make plans to meet up later. But where do you draw the line? Well, if you want to be chased, you have to act like a catch; and believing that you are one might be a good place to start.
You will have to work on your own timeline, and no one can decide the pace for you. However, before you walk the walk or talk the talk, you should make note of a few things.
1. Carry Yourself with Confidence, Not Narcissism
While modesty might bring you positive outcomes in other aspects of life, in the dating scenario be sure to not sell yourself short. You deserve to be treated well, and anything less is not good enough – hold this confidence and you will be a step ahead already. Be confident but not conceited. Don’t hesitate to acknowledge and appreciate nice gestures from your date’s part. Remember, the goal is to have a good time for both of you. Who knows, this person might just turn out to be the love of your life.
2. Requite and Let Requite
Playing hard to get should not mean that you have to hold back. Allow yourself to initiate a conversation if you feel like it, engage and listen, but also know when to step back. This will allow room for your date to make an effort and reciprocate. Dating is a two-way street, and that’s exactly how you should treat it. You want your crush to work for your attention, but don’t forget to put in some effort yourself as well.
3. Keep Your Social Life Independent
We totally understand if you feel the butterflies and want to spend all your time with your crush. But you are just going to have to resist the urge. As difficult as it might seem, keep your social and professional life going. Don’t reschedule an appointment or cancel on your friends just so you can say ‘yes’ to a movie night. Instead, communicate with your date and set up a meeting that is convenient for both of you. This will not only make you more attractive but is also a great way to start a healthy relationship.
4. Be True to Yourself
You don’t have to hide behind a curtain in the name of being elusive. Enjoy the process! If there is a scope of potentially positive experience, you should not blow it off. Do you want to have coffee later? Do it! Text them to let them know if you had a good time, afterward. However, if you don’t like the experience you don’t have to follow through. You have a lifetime to find the right person for you, there is no rush.
5. Know When to Dive In
Playing hard to get for too long may raise questions about your interest in the relationship. While you should take it at your own pace, if you see potential here, be ready to embrace the reality of it without any further games. It’s best if you communicate with your partner and work on the transformation together.
Two Books You Must Check Out
The author, Leslie C. Bell, has thoroughly interviewed some twenty women in their late 20s, who have opened up about their sexual life – how things have been for them, what they had to sacrifice, and what they pursued. Some felt threatened to commit to a relationship fearing for their individual identity, while some traded their sexual desires in exchange for a stable relationship. It is safe to say that this is not your average relationship advice book; rather it dives deep into the real scenario of the dating landscape and doesn’t shy away from taboo topics.
At first look, this book might seem to take you off-topic but in truth, Mark Miller’s approach to leadership in this book speaks volumes about how we should take command of our romantic relationships. You can relate the early days of a relationship with a checkers game: there are quick exchanges between the two parties, actively switching between activities. However, as the relationship advances, you need to reconsider the frenetic pace and the constant chase, and take a more mature approach: that’s chess. If you want to ensure the sustainable growth of your relationship, then we suggest you give this book a read.
The modern dating landscape may bombard you with its list of dos and don’ts, but it is crucial that you don’t lose your authenticity. When we say ‘play hard to get’, we don’t mean that you should press a button, censor your personality, and activate the mind-game mode. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. While you should not dive in head-first immediately (even if you want to), don’t keep yourself from paying attention and being curious about the person you are going out with. After all, your goal is to know them better while playing it cool, not drive them away with a cold shoulder. Eyes on the prize, my friend!