Relationships

Housework: The Agony In Dividing Equal Chores6 min read

Reading Time: 4 minutes There is no labor law that will help you distribute housework chores with your partner in a fair manner. You’ll have to do it yourself. Might as well learn how to!

July 20, 2020 4 min read
Dividing Housework

Housework: The Agony In Dividing Equal Chores6 min read

Reading Time: 4 minutes

When it comes to owning a house, great acreage comes with great responsibilities! The task of household chores comes with an extra burden of ensuring a fair and square distribution between the living members inside of it. But, for better or worse, there are no rules in a marriage that would make the division of domestic labor any easier; no cheat codes, no formula – so how do you divide equal housework?

Book 1: Chores Without Wars: Turning Housework into Teamwork by Lynn Lott and Roki Intner
Book 2: Creating Equality at Home by Francine M. Deutsch and Ruth A. Gaunt

Why is it Important to Ensure Equality?

Unfair division of labor inside the household can potentially hamper your relationship. The days of a woman in a dress, cooking with one, and hand cleaning with another, and serving a three-course dinner at 6 PM is over.

Women in an established career today are economically productive as their male partner. Assigning all the household chores to one is unfair and proves to be inefficient. Men’s identities are no longer determined by paid work and women’s by motherhood: an important message delivered by the authors of Creating Equality at Home.

Unequal household chores distribution often labeled as a disadvantages for women, hampering their well being and the stability in a relationship in turn. As they (struggle to) balance between housework and job, they begin to show depressive symptoms and anxiety disorders. Studies have shown that a gendered division of housework is an important predictor of relationship satisfaction. So, “chores without wars” is a motto that every healthy couple should live by!

How to Divide Housework?

Keep on thing in mind, catering to tradition might not benign the best results; divide chores on the basis of strength.

Settle on a Definition of Clean!

We all have our own cleaning standards. What may look clean to you, may not satisfy your partners. So it is important that you come to a mutual agreement on your definition of clean and proceed accordingly. It will also be a great way to develop and practice relationship harmony. 

housework

Take a Weekly View

Prepare a to do list beforehand and take a look at what needs to be done around the home. This might take an hour of your weekend but it will save you a lot of trouble: a great plan with smarter budgeting.

Fit your role in the grand cookie-cutter, and personalize your cookie to build a happy and satisfied relationship.   

Cater to Talents: Who does What Better?

Do you cook well? Or do you like to clean? If your partner finds vacuuming oddly satisfying, let them do it. When it comes to doing housework, it is not necessary to dwell on tradition. As Chores without Wars suggests we don’t fall into stereotypes, instead approach it as if it’s fun and games. If you have kids at home, involve them as well. This will not only teach them equality but also interpersonal skills like teamwork.

You can create a to do list and assign tasks to each other. You can also rank the tasks based on priority – dive into your creative sides and turn it into a game if that helps you work productively. You can divide the chores into three classes: ones you love, ones you barely tolerate, and others you hate with the fire of a hundred suns. Assign the tasks evenly to everyone; you may also add financial incentives as motivation.

Encourage and Appreciate the Effort

You are working for your own household, for love, for your relationship. You might not receive credits on a regular basis and you shouldn’t expect to, except maybe for the occasional acknowledgments of your help. However, gladly accept your tasks and encourage each other to complete it in time.

If something doesn’t go your way, there’s nothing wrong with a little revision of division; and be accepting it if your partner feels the same way. Rather than identifying mistakes and throwing disapprovals everywhere, appreciate your partner’s effort. Remember, you are on the same team!

Rotate the Big Tasks

Assigning one person with big tasks, especially if it’s unpleasant, can draining. You and your partner can take turns with household chores such as making dinner or doing the laundry. One person should not be designated to take care of the daily chores, it is no one’s sole responsibility. Rotating tasks will also bring a variety at home, as the kids get to see both their parents cooking. This will also play a part in turning them into responsible adults. So as you might have understood by now, the benefits of equal distribution of household chores are endless!

Two Must-Read Books

If you are still confused with how to navigate housework, then we have two books that we’d like to suggest to you:

  1. Chores Without Wars: Turning Housework into Teamwork by Lynn Lott and Roki Intner
  2. Creating Equality at Home by Francine M. Deutsch and Ruth A. Gaunt

Why Do We Recommend these Books?

Chores without Wars: Turning Housework into Teamwork by Lynn Lott and Roki Intner

The authors take an information-based approach to why and how housework should be viewed as teamwork. Chores without Wars will remind you why stereotypes of “supermom” and “lazy father” are unhealthy, and take a toll on the family members. Children get to learn interpersonal skills such as cooperation, communication, task management, planning ahead, and more as they help out at home. We love this book for the inspiration it sends out to the people who are trying to build a happy home for themselves and their children.

Creating Equality at Home by Francine M. Deutsch and Ruth A. Gaunt

Since you have read this far, I think it’s safe to assume that you may be struggling with equal housework distribution. Allow this exceptional book to help you as it involves its readers in the decision-making process of 25 couples around the world about sharing house chores. From America to Asia, this book is relatable to everyone to pursue a happy home from any part of the world. We are greatly moved by the storytelling approach to sending a profound message: sharing housework rewards everyone – men, women, and children!

Bottom Line

Happy partners make a happy home, and it is your responsibility to make sure that relationship unity is present in every step of the way. Share your chores as you share the commitment to relationship, and lighten the burden off of your partner’s shoulder. Keep reevaluating if you’re both happy with the process or if it needs modification. It’s teamwork and with equal effort, you can ensure a fair play!

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